When i finished high school i had a draft of a plan, i knew i was going to university, Fall in Love, Graduate and boom be married by 25. 4+ years later i managed to graduate from two institution, managed to be blessed with a Job that i enjoy and helps me grow but falling in love or being married that is something in my life that i only see in movies and frankly i am not mad at all. We grow up so fixated with how and what our lives should be, not considering the fact that everything happens at the right time, with the right people and at the right place.
We constantly put ourselves under unrealistic pressure that ends up hurting our mental health but at times also results to being stagnant in life because we never look at the bigger picture, we are stuck being angry at the fact that things just did not go according to how we had envisioned or planned them to be. And from time and time again I have been constantly asking myself where do we get such ideologies? The ideas that, we have to get to a certain age and do what needs to be done and if it doesn't work out we blame ourselves completely because that's what we know how to do best.
These ideas are cooked from the societies that we are brought up in and frankly I have gotten to a point where I really don't want to blame society for holding on to these ideologies because they don't know better, but we can blame them from not wanting to let go of these ideologies and letting those above 25 to breath and really create a narrative that works best for them and one that is healthy and progressive.
So how is it living single in a time where everything sometimes feels rushed? At a time where you are not even allowed to embrace your achievements because you are not married or because you are a single mother or because you are above 25 and have no definite job or an idea of how your life is. Quite frankly it is a bit of Hell and Heaven mixed in between! And I know you are wondering how can it be a mix of both when usually things like these are a clear cut of black and white. Well because there is that element of being pushed aside, or not be credited because you don't have extreme experience of what is valid in our cultures. Or maybe you just haven't fully achieved being a whole because you are empty. Then the other heaven mix is the element of fulfilment and achievement that is tied to being above 25, living single, achieving your goal ( or even trying to figure out your direction ) but also being able to reach the highest level of being content, of knowing what you want and what you don't want and never allowing yourself to settle for anything less that what you already have.
So it's pretty much a mentality and a choice of what way and what means you want to take when living single and pretty much making your own choices and living by them. And this is where our mental wellness has to play a big role and big part as we go through it all. I mean I know for a fact as I write this, there are hundreds of high achiever women in their professional spaces who are above 25 and living single and sometimes questions whether or not they are on the right path and doing the right thing because society disqualifies them, claiming they are too ambitious or they are too much because they are either single mothers, single, not married and everything else that they are tagged with.
Let me tell you I have been there, infact I am there and you know what there is absolutely nothing wrong with us. Theres a lot going on with the society and we need to do better in rewriting the narrative because the future will be filled with our children and we need to make sure they don't face what we are facing.
So exactly what message do I have for you all reading this? Well I have nothing new than what I always say; Do you, be you and be unapologetic at it. Each one of you is a leader in your own space and it don't matter if your above 25 and living single, it really doesn't disqualify you from what the future has in store for you and how far you will go. Titles shouldn't define who you are and what you can add on to the society, infact titles were meant to just remind you that you are unlimited and that you can define yourself more than once and that nobody has a right to disqualify you from what is happening. So if you are above 25, a high achiever, a professional or even trying to figure your life and you are living single, Keep going, keep pushing, keep defining your own path and your own strength and just go as far as where your mind tells you because your narrative with helps us curve a new narrative and will empower more young women out there to be the best and do the best they can! And as you do it, don't forget to hold the hand of the other lady behind you who is feeling and facing the same pressure. Gone are the days where we saw each other as threats, we are taking care of our mental health, being more aware and present in life and breaking glass ceilings as we keep moving!
Being Unapologetic is the way forward! BECAUSE THAT IS GROWTH AND LEADERSHIP!
Swahili Girl Leads.