As i typed in the title of this blog post i couldn't help but wonder ' did i really loose myself?" and ' is there really a new me?'
Well let's see, weeks ago i was extremely stressed and the only way i deal with my stress and mixed emotions is through, Crying, Eating,Writing and lastly talking about it! I cried a lot weeks back, each time i remembered my mother being in India for treatment tears just ran down my cheeks, each time i watched a movie that moved me i cried, each time i listened to a song i cried. I mean i kept crying and the funny part is that i thought no one at home knew i was crying but joke was on me.
Then came the eating part, i just found myself feeling hungry all the time and just jumping onto the first thing i saw that had sugar or looked delicious, at first i never realised i was eating quiet a lot, then it hit me i was out of control.
So you see i was at a point where i was lost, i had just started a new job, my mum is away for treatment, i had to take care of the house, look after my grandma who was slowly loosing her memory and i had completely let go of My Baby ( My communication Network FLO ).
I was just feeling disappointed about everything, but i still had to wake up every morning, put a big smile on my face and look straight into the new day and conquer it. It actually worked, but i was loosing myself! I forgot about what kept me going, forgot about what was constantly inspiring me and just forgot about myself ( how i looked, how i reasoned and my body as a whole).
But i have one thing i do which is what helps me not to get stuck for too long feeling lost, i'd say i question and account for myself. I kept asking myself, ' Why am i like this?' " What is going on?' 'Has my purpose changed?' 'Will i get out and just be the Fierce Nadia Again?'
"Where is my vibe? What is my Vibe?'
At the same time i kept hearing this little voice in my head say, ' You got this!' 'It's okay it happens, but don't stay there for to long!' ' Cry all you want but remember the World is waiting for you to show up and show out!' ' Shed that confused, sad,scared and worried skin off and embrace it all.'
Today as i write this, i feel like i have gotten back my sanity, slowly uprooted my drive again and i remember my goal and purpose. A day ago i met a my friend who is a Homeopathy doctor, her name is Dr.Shruti and our meeting had been scheduled for Thursday which is tomorrow but i somehow mixed the days up. As soon as i saw her she had this big smile on her face and instantly i felt safe, comfortable and just had the urge of talking it all out.
What i was feeling, how i was acting and what i was going through. And i remember her words clearly, ' You had not accepted the situation, now you have. The tears helped you take out all the negative energy and now you are talking about, there is actually nothing as strong as a person who speaks openly about their vulnerability and emotions.'
Then the one person i also talk to when i feel stuck told me to do always remember and do something,' Do better than Yesterday!'
So as i woke up today, i woke up with a big smile on my face and i feel like a new person! Yes certain worries are still there but not in a negative context but as things we always worry about that don't impose any negativity in our mind, body and soul. Today i managed to embrace my vibe and write this blog post because i believe there is someone else out there who is struggling or feels lost so reading this will help.
Today i managed to take an action towards this weight i have gained, i am speaking to a nutritionist and fitness instructor and i am taking charge and shedding all the stress weight i gained. Today i am just a new person, i shed my old skin and embracing the true skin that had been lost for a while.
Of course it is a day at a time but now i am doing the last thing i do when i need to deal with myself and that is writing! There is power in writing and just pouring it all out in some channel, it helps you put things and your life into perspective and allows your mind and soul